I have been thinking about getting ‘out there’, ie putting myself out in the playing field. I have no idea where to even begin when it comes to getting ‘out there’. I want God to be the leader of my choices and the reason I find the next man I may call my prey. I don’t want to assume control in this area like so many people do. HOWEVER I don’t want to be one of those people who say “GOD let me win the lotto” but they sit on their couch and never buy a ticket. Those people have the audacity to ask “why have I yet to win?”. God tells us to ask and do. If we want to change something we must first start doing it.
So I ask myself how do I start doing. Am I even ready to start doing? I was divorced in early July, thus I have been divorced just about 3 months. I have however been without a significant other for much longer. I left my spouse over a year ago, and in my eyes he left me much longer ago. There are so many fears I have. Part of me says I need to get over them before I date, the other part knows that they may only go away with knowing I can trust the person I am with.
Dating. I don’t necessarily want to do it. I am unsure I want to get remarried. To go through the hardships of marriage. Its HARD. Both people have to be willing to work on it. And most people in today’s day and age say “its too hard, we fell out of love, we have irreconcilable differences.. etc”. Thus the way most people think is that marriages are easy to come by and easy to let go of.
I also do not know if I am so lonely or miss the company of a spouse enough to give up the new things I have been able to enjoy. I don't have to report to anyone, I have tons of free time, and I can just be all girly with out worrying who I just disturbed.
So that’s where I stand. Lonely, and confused about whether or not I should put myself back up on the market.
I also want to clarify to those who read this and thought.. well she’s not alone. I know this. I know I have God to talk to, a family to help me with my baby, and a great group of girl friends to tolerate my insanities. I am thankful for all of these things.
2 comments:
hi.. I'm just passing by, n i read something's touchy.. i'm really sorry.
glad to know that you already know what you should do. get up, and face the reality.. it's god that we are looking for, He's the only one.. i wish you could conquer the loneliness.. ;) i know you will make it.
Being lonely sucks...especially since you were married before and used to the companionship. Even though you just got divorced you have been w/out your spouse for a long time. I think you are in a season of healing and I agree that you do have to "buy a ticket" to play the lotto but I don't think putting yourself out there will take much time, thought or energy- when the time is right you will just do it and not even realize it- don't over think that whole process, when you're really ready the doors will open and you will "get off your butt" and walk through them! And yes, you do so want to get married again:), remember our talks, good times ahead full of passion and love;)! I wish we lived closer, i want you to come over and hang out with me at night!
Luv ya- ria
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