Lets talk: women's sexuality

I read a wonderful blog (http://givenbreath.com/2013/09/03/fyi-if-youre-a-teenage-girl/) the other day. For the most part I agreed with what the author had to say. I respect that she was willing to see how she had poor discernment on her first post and was willing to say so and repost. However, her post got me thinking about how women are perceived on a sexual level.

There is still a great stigma that exists on women and their ability to express their sexuality. I am not sure where it comes from but it has existed in our culture for too long.  Yes times are changing and women are allowed more and more to express themselves, however what is allowed, in my opinion only enforces stereotypes and continues to lock women in a box of expression.  Now don't get me wrong the following discussion is full of my opinions and own personal experiences, but my desire is to create an enlightenment on who women are sexually.

I often get upset when I hear discussions about how women's sexuality. There is often double standards, ridiculous expectations, blurred lines, and a culture that lacks awareness of women's sexuality. You hear from blogs like the one above that young girls are too seductive. Yet at the same time you hear that in marriage it is the female partner that lacks the sexual drive.  Its interesting. If the same young girl can be seductive how does she learn to shut down sexually? The answer is convoluted and saturated with expectation of our very confused society.

In my church I have heard it said that men are visual by nature. That women should be careful how they dress because men can't "un-see" the sexual images of an attractive woman. They say men are pleasure driven.  In the same breathe its said that women aren't as driven by the visual field and often do not enjoy sex the same as men. I believe both of these facts to be basically untrue.  Human beings are sexual by nature. Both male and female. Not one or the other.  In order to have survived as a specie both genders had to partake in the act of sex for the last few thousand years. In order to desire to reproduce their is some scientific proof that women are attracted to mates that look like they could protect off spring. Thus basing the desire to mate on a visual aspect. In order to desire to continue to mate women must enjoy the act. Because if they didn't child birth would not be worth going through over and over with out also enjoying the act of getting pregnant.   I can't imagine how human beings would be here in the great numbers that exist today if women didn't enjoy sex.


Even the bible discusses how women enjoy sex and enjoy the look of their mate. Yes, the bible. The song of solomon is all about the act of mating and enjoying sex between a couple. Song of solomon 5:10 My lover is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand. 11 His head is purest gold; his hair is wavy and black as a raven. 12 His eyes are like doves by the water streams, washed in milk, mounted like jewels. 13 His cheeks are like beds of spice yielding perfume. His lips are like lilies dripping with myrrh. 14 His arms are rods of gold set with chrysolite. His body is like polished ivory decorated with sapphires. 15 His legs are pillars of marble set on bases of pure gold. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as its cedars. 16 His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this my friend,
Reading this, it becomes clear to me that women in generations past have enjoyed the way men look in a lustful manner. The expectation that women should be modest should be met by a similar expectation that men too should be modest.


But what is modesty? what is appropriate what is not?  Who defines this? Society defines what is acceptable.  Young girls with pouty lips are obviously "inappropriate". Our society has the expectation a woman look a certain way and at the same time be modest. Its a mixed message. The porn industry is filled with women in the same sultry pose.  If it was truly unacceptable in society, the porn and sex industry would not be booming like it is.  Men expect a woman to be "thin" "young" "attractive" right? When a woman is attractive she is then sexually desired? Is that what the message is? If you are a woman you have to be sexy to get a mate, yet if you are too sexy you are shunned.  I often believe what is believed in our society is propaganda to continue to allow the porn industry and the sex (human trafficking) industry to continue to grow.  Men are allowed to look at naked women and buy sex because women are inappropriate. They deserve to be dehumanized.  Right? The same woman who may look at a man lust fully is told she is behaving like a man or inappropriately. Double standard.

What am I getting at you wonder? I am getting at the need to educate people on sex. Their is so much focus on how a woman can be inappropriate and how she is too "sexy". Yet when she is married she has learned that its not okay to be sexy and is expected to be sexual after being told it wasn't okay. Very confusing! People need to understand that both men and women are sexual beings. Sex shouldn't be sold. Women being sexual isn't an excuse for a man thinking inappropriately or buying sex. Men need to be educated as well. They should be taught how to be respectful and taught that women's bodies are beautiful not inappropriate items to be lusted after.

opposite way

So being single in this day in age is like being on a game show. Its unrealistic and the expectations and goal are just not worth it. Todays society tells me that when I meet a guy, I should be sleeping with him by the end of the first date... and in love after we've had sex.

Its not like when I am around a nice man I don't want to kiss him; but the thought doesn't go much further than that. For starters I can't fathom the idea of sleeping with some one I dont first love, and secondly I can't fathom sleeping with someone I am not married to. I know that sounds seriously old fashioned, and I really dont care. Society has set the pace. I have seen a few people just a few run the other way.

In the United State, the new idol worship isn't a wooden statue, its the lives of the rich and famous. We strive to do what it appears they do. For the most part people with in hollywood do what we expect.. they set this pace of unmarried sex and quick fixes. However I have seen 2 examples of famous people attempting to RUN the other way. The Jonas Brothers a famous boy band on Disney is wearing purity rings. Purity rings are worn to symbolize that fact that the wearer intends to stay pure until marriage. They were made fun of at the VMA's and only 2 people stuck up for them. One was Jordin Sparks ( a fellow purity ring wearer) and Paris Hilton.



Its not shocking that they were made fun of. The shocker was that Paris Hilton, a pace setter in the flesh, stuck up for them. Sigh. I wasn't sure what to make of all of that. But maybe even the pace setters wish they too could run the other direction.

With the majority of people believing that sex is dating. How do I expect to meet a decent man who is not retarded with society? Can I stay true to my own personal expectations? Or will societal pressures, norms, and a man I think is hot convince me other wise?

Dating, a Really scary idea. Actually getting along with a man long enough to make him commit to be my boyfriend ... and to commit to the same principles and or similar ones.. almost seems impossible. LOL.


So all this ranting was brought on by my new favorite song:

Opposite way by Leeland. Lyrics:

Living in the same town
for all these years
Doing the same old things
hanging with the same crowd
and it's starting to get crippling
you never felt in place
and you tell yourself it's all okay
but something's different today
you want to run the opposite way
and it seems like you're locked in a cage
and you need to find a way of escape
when everyone's setting the pace- it's okay to run the opposite way

and the Father sent his Son down
the Light of men
the cross he bore was crippling
rejected in His own town
and they couldn't see the Sun shining
He knelt in the garden and prayed
Father let this cup pass from me
It's not Your will for me to stay
Your will for me is the opposite way

and it seems like He was locked in a cage
and He couldn't find a way of escape
but through the cross He conquered the grave
my Jesus ran the opposite way

Oh, and through the cross He conquered the grave
Oh, He ran the other way
Yeah, through the cross He conquered the grave
So you could run the opposite way