sisterhood of friendship

Being a big sister is hard. My little sisters have experienced one of the hardest lives any young people should ever have too. Their childhood was one right out of fiction, and they witnessed things little eyes should not ever have to. This last year I have seen them try to reach out, and be shunned by cliques, lied about, and hurt. This hasn't been an easy year for them. Highschool is a rough place to be, and even other places outside of high school have presented the unfair cliquishness of life.

As a big sister what do I say about this, what do I do?

Nothing I can do. So I pray about this.

Yesterday one of them approaches me balling that its hard because she is trying to be a good teenager.. and because she is accountable, holds others accountable, and does what she is supposed to do, she feels punished. She has said before that if she was like every other teenager... she'd have friends.. and life would feel easier.


This made me want to cry. It broke my heart. But it was a reminder. Life is never meant to be easy.It reminded me so much of what my life as a teenager was like. I had very very few friends. The closest of my friends both moved away, and for a while I felt I was left with nothing.

Even to this day, I find it difficult to fit in with peers. I do not do things like other people. I do not desire to either. I told my sister the only thing I could. I told her that this stuff sucks, but in the end its worth it. I never had too many friends growing up because I didn't fit in. But the people I do fit in with are amazing. My life with out them.. unimaginable. The friends God picked out for me, the ones I waited for, are blessings.

With this said, I also started later in life than my sisters. They both have Jesus as a friend. I waited for that man. He had to find me, lasso me, pursue me like no other.. and I am so grateful that he did.

I remember how he did it. He brought me amazing people. The first of my friends that I met, Monica. I met her at an x box party and we just hit it off. I knew that she was someone I wanted to know. Then after that, Amanda (the goof). Then I found Jesus, and then a few years later he brought me Jenny (the sister to my soul), Jamie, and Heather. These women are gifts straight out of heaven. They have made my life better in so many immeasurable ways. They have bettered me. With out them I doubt I would be the woman I am proud to be today.

I am so proud of my sisters, so thankful that they are such wonderful women. They too have become part of my group of best women friends. AND I hope one day looking back they see, that even though they may not fit in now, they fit in with Jesus. I hope they see that... and that in reality God provided them with friends, they have more friends already than they know what to do with.. after all they do have 5 more sisters...

Just look up

Have you ever looked up at the night sky for more than just a few minutes?

If you haven't spent more than an hour gazing, I recommend that it is something you do.

Star gazing is one of my favorite past times. I used to spend so much time just searching the skies, that now, I forget how much I loved it. shooting, stars, the milky way, Orion.. Cassiopeia.. I have memories of life lived looking up at the stars. This last year.. I haven't spent much time doing this. Life gets busy, I feel to tired, a rainy night, and a few other excuses thrown in there, have made it so I just glance and walk on. I almost forget how at ease I feel spending time under the night sky.

Last night, while at my parents cabin in Tonasket, my mom called me outside. I had spent half the night inside because the outside was just too hot. When I went out.. my mom said, Kelli.. LOOK UP.

I did.I have never seen the sky look so amazing. So far away from the city, so clear, so bright.. I stared at the sky in awe for a while. Even though I was eaten alive by mosquitoes, I found my happy place.

Nothing more amazing than the night sky.