In my essay I shared the idea : It is my opinion awareness of our language and how it may be used is a capability all human beings possess. The way we speak to others and about others matters. Language can foster acceptance and trust. At the same time it can foster hate, confusion, and discrimination. Words are a very powerful tool.
Vernacular matters. It is one of my most important weapons of our time. Healing and deadly.
In the beginning of my life I was much more opinionated than I am at this time. I never cared if my opinion infringed on others. I over stepped feelings an carelessly tried to change the world around me by asserting my beliefs with out regards to the beliefs of others. I used my vernacular to make people feel small. I was talented at this. Not something I am proud of. I look back and like my belief systems, but not the way in which they were carried out.
I feel like I have lost the 'who I am' over the last decade. I have officially lost my title as 'perfect'. Not that I ever was. But I have humbled myself to a new me. One who sees her imperfections, acknowledge them, and hopes to change.I realize that everyone's life journey is different. Life teaches us all something new. I have always been some what of an outcast. The hippie of the group, the only vegetarian in my friends group, the weird one... etc. I am an aware consumer, environmentally concerned and very interested in the occupy movements. I wish I knew more people like me. I do not. Sometimes I wonder how I became 'who I am'. My newest goal is to wake up every morning trying to be the best version of myself possible. This person watches what she says to others. She is willing to take in the words and advice of others. At the same time I am allowed to be free and to be myself. The opinionated 'different' one in the group.
As I learn I feel myself growing more opinionated than I have ever been. It is hard to be in the room with someone I disagree with. Life choice, ideas, the way they speak, etc. I am challenging myself to change. I am bringing my ideas in. If they are not received or heard it does not mean that they are 'wrong'. However it also does not mean the opposing party or opinion is wrong either. Its a hard concept to grasp.
I realize that everyone's life journey is different. Life teaches us all something new. I have always been some what of an outcast. The hippy of the group, the only vegetarian in my friends group, the weird one... etc.
When I lost myself I cared so much about what others thought. I stopped being myself. I needed to be accepted. I had never really been accepted. Even though I was silent (for me) I still feel as though I am disliked by my peer systems. So therefore its not worth being silent. Finding myself means I care only about what God would think. I love others by respecting who they are and not forcing the who I am upon them.
I am allowed to use my words to challenge and to accept. I pray that God use me. That God wakes me from were I have been. That I can become the woman I know he created. The one has so much compassion for everything it makes her appear crazy. I pray that I can accept who I am and stop trying so hard to change that. Its OK for people to not like me. Its not about me anyways, its about changing the world for the benefit of others and not myself.
