The snow does start off all wonderful. I snows while I sleep, I wake up and realize... well I'm stuck at my house. YES... STUCK. I'm not like most lucky people, I don't live next to civilization or on a county road. My road, doesn't get plowed, or sanded, and while most people are able to leave their own driveways, my car gradually became covered in 18" inches of SNOW!
My parents took me to their house for the first Three days. I quaded, kept entertained, enjoyed Jennys party on friday. Then to my dismay, I got frustrated. I quickly realized just how lucky I was before this fatal snowfall. I could go anywhere I wanted on a whim. A drive, to shop, to go get a coffee... but now I can't. Its amazing how quickly us Humans adapted to instant mobility.. and how hard it is for me.. to unadapt.
I have been forced to sit at home, watch movies, journal, text, and worst of all THINK. I don't even know why, but I hate thinking about my life right now. Its a burden. If I can avoid the reality of my situation... I do! Its difficult. I have been successful at not worrying, which is a huge feat for me, but me doing this successfully means, for me, that I avoid even thinking about it. Now I'm not gonna get into it all.. I'm just going to say its a God thing. God sent this Snow... maybe for me... maybe for alot of us.. but I like to think.. for me.. to force me to think about my life.
Today, by the grace of God, my dad decided to clear my road. He told me he didn't think I'd make it all the way out to Highway 9. I had to try. I got in the car, cruised up the road, made it up the hill.. only to have my car get stuck on ice... ! I had to be towed out. I could see the highway. I was almost free. But I wasn't, it was Gods way of showing me where he felt I was. It was so not AWESOME! To see it Gods way. Here I am always thinking I am right, believing I am perfect, that I got it right, all the way to his highway, that I was living the way he wanted. But then again, now in reflection I know I am not. I went stir crazy, but in the midst of it all, I cried. The reality was I didn't want to get out of my house, I wanted to get out of my own Brain. If I can't even deal with reality, if I have to escape, somethings not right.
So I must submit now. To the forces against me. To the forces that want my betterment. I submit to Gods love. He wants me here, he knows I need to be here, I just have to hear it now... I need to embrace Gods love.
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