Lately I have felt slightly alone. Wishing I had my own special someone. I have a running add in my head, kind of like a personal add. I guess my loneliness got to me when I saw Jen and Greg get married. They got married almost 5 years to the date after I did. And now I am not married. It was a bit disheartening for me. I wanted a companion, and now I am one of the few single people I know. Over the weekend I was reminded of God’s love for me, of his fight, and pursuit. I often say if I remarry or date, the guy I date will have to pursue me to no end. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that my companion is God. He is my partner, my helper, my confidant.
I haven't been a believer for very long, in my opinion I am still a toddler Christian... or a small child. I've believed for 7 years. I know I was still young when I discovered Gods love for me; however I will say it wasn't made easy. I denied and refused God very often. I would make excuses for the gifts he gave me and refute the possibilities of a God who loved me. I would argue against him. In every argument I had, I now find that those arguments are for him. I didn't see that then. It is so silly to me that one goes around denying the very existence of God.
When I was 17 I would have been so disappointed in my 26 year old self, but my 26 year old self sees how I needed God to pursue me in order to love him the way I do today. I got to find God all on my own. People pushed me, I'd push back. God knew me so well; he knew I loved a challenge. I took world religion classes, history courses at college, all to be able to fight the waves of Christians that bombarded me on a weekly basis. God knew that I was a seeker; he knew just how to draw me in. He found the right people to surround me with. He surrounded me with a very zealous group of Christians. They would challenge me, and I would challenge back. God sat back slowly waiting for me. I believed that most the Christians I encountered were brain washed sheep. He let me know I could do it on my own, with my own free will, and still be me, while loving him.
I find it funny to think back to how he won me over, the man at the gas station, the movie a walk to remember, and music. Most of all music, he broke me through music.
I've always loved the acoustic sound, and when I was 15 I had a theme song that I would play over and over on my CD player. My friend Cheryl gave me the CD. She didn't know who the artist was, and neither did I, but I loved that song. After a weekend trip to ocean shores, I ruined my CD, much to my dismay I could never find that song again. Saturday I was watching a movie with Nevaeh, and that song was in the back ground. I looked it up amazed at how beautiful I thought it still was. It was called let that be enough by Switchfoot.
I found this highly amusing. Switchfoot was the first Christian music band I liked, I fell in love with their music on the sountrack for a walk to remember, and was highly discouraged when I found out they were a Christian band. BUT I still bought their CD. Switchfoots music in some ways helped me to discover that I really did love God. And now that I know that song was by them, I see how enduring Gods pursuit of me was. I had wanted to find that song recently, but couldn't remember enough lyrics to look it up. After many years, God got my attention and reminded me that he was my partner, through a Kids movie. It was a nice surprise. I cried. I may try to run from his love often, but I can’t. I can’t escape it. I am so grateful, he is a pursuer and that he doesn’t give up.
God is my perfect companion. I don't need anything else.
Let That Be Enough Lyrics By Switchfoot
I wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone
And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land
And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing
Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough
It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago
And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy
Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough
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