Let the Earth Quake

This is similar to my last post. I've been going through a lot lately. With business being slow, and the world being an expensive place, I've felt really low. I was loosing faith, and questioning my Gods will. I feel like I've been through enough. I asked... can't it be 'easier'?

Lets start with the things I know. The things that are true.


I am lucky. I was born in a free nation. A nation of plenty. I've not ever had to need or want for any of my basic needs to be met. God is a GOOD God.

Now for what I've been dealing with. I don't know why I doubt God. My thoughts can be my worst enemy. That is where I fall. I may know that GOD is good. But I start to question it. I start to think of all the things I have learned. Anthropology, history, all the ways in which humans create a need for GOD. All the ways in which GOD hasn't proven himself in human history or in my own life. I feel frustrated that I even do this. I am mad, because its all untrue. I know exactly how he changed my life. HOW he saved me. At the time certain events may have seemed so awful and felt terrible with no understanding of why why why... (much like how I feel right now).. but in the after math they make sense. There are events that still hurt and cause pain to think about, bu I see now that if they didn't happens other things would have never happened, other lives would have never been changed...

I truly trust God. I know he gave me free will. Its my own will that makes me falter. ITs me who pulls away. He knows I will to. He knew me before I was born, he knows how I will be what I will do. Its frustrating. I wish I was less prone to falter.

I know I am silly. But I have been struggling so much that when I prayed... I said GOD just tell me what to do.

And here it was. I turned on the radio...


"Our Hope Endures"

You would think only so much can go wrong
Calamity only strikes once
And you assume this one has suffered her share
Life will be kinder from here
Oh, but sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

How do we comprehend peace within pain?
Or joy at a good man's wake?
Walk a mile with the woman whose body is racked
With illness, oh how can she laugh?
Oh, 'cause sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

Emmanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
We never walk alone
And this is our hope

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

ITs amazing how God works. Even with a difficult circumstance. I need to have a hope that is unchanged. I need to not waver, even in my own thoughts.

Its a process getting it right. Not one of us is perfect. We are just supposed to try.

What does it all mean

Just heading to bed... and couldn't get alot of junk out of my head.

So what does it mean to be Christian?

Am I less of a Lover of my Christ because I consider myself Democratic?

Am I non christian because I survived a Divorce?

Does God love me less because I he allows me to struggle?


Pain. Suffering. Heart ache. Money problems. Hunger. Loss of a loved one.

Why is it allowed?

I don't know why. But In a world that became corrupt so many moons ago... Its amazing still how Gods love heals all of those things.

He brings life, healing, restoration, blessings, and so much much more.

I keep praying for Gods love to wash over me to encourage me.

It hasn't happened yet. But I have no doubt that at any moment...

He'll be there... doing what he does best.. Getting me through this most difficult of moments

Comparing the great D to now

So here we are in the midst of an all out economic crisis. We could have seen it coming. We should have. God gives us rules to follow. To help one another, to not have more than we need, to learn from the historical mistakes of others.... we didn't.

So here is my comparison and contrast. I would love to have peoples feed back, opinions, etc. So feel free to reply to the following.

The 1929 Crash began in October. (creepy eh.. end of September early October now.. .and we are falling). It started because investors saw the value of their stocks fall, so they sold their stocks. Making the stock market continue to dwindle . Thats is exactly what we see happening now. It took 3 full years for the lowest point of the crash, but if nothing is done, we are well on our way to a similar situation.

Now I am not saying a crash in the stock market will cause a great depression again, and nor am I saying it did before. There are alot of factors that took place in the 1920's that are similar to today. We have very little buisness activity. We primarily buy our goods overseas. Prices are sky rocketing, and yet the value of an object is dwindling.

We have to realize no all americasn share the same wealth as some of us do. Most families have very little to no savings at all. No health insurance, thus costly medical bills, most people can't afford the goods in the average market so they go into debt in order to keep up with the status quo.

We don't produce many of our own crops or even goods and services any more. Many of our cars, cattle, food, clothes, jewelry, food ware, etc, are from a foreign country. Thus taking money out of our economy. I am not saying that world wide exchange was bad, but we relied to heavily on it.
In the 1930s overproduction was another casue of teh fall. Buissinessses produced more goods than people could buy thus had to close when their costs came crashing down on them. Todays era stores, car lots, have purchased bulk items for the American people, what happens when we are all to afraid to go out and spend? People loose their jobs!


In the 1930's when banks failed many people were in heavy debt with no way out. SOUND FAMILIAR? People lost their savings, retirement funds dwindled, and the people lost their confidence in the economy. Buisness also lost confindence and started laying off workers, thus more workers lost their jobs, less bills were being paid, thus more banks failed. Do you see how one thing effects another here? Do we even understand how similar our circumstances are right now to the Great depression of the 1930's?

The frightening things that happened during the 1930s like banks immediately foreclosing on homes when people fell behind thus people lived in shelters or cars, could easily happen now.

At the time of the 1930's President Hoover didn't believe that the fedral government should step in to help the people. (THE ONE GOOD thing I will say about Bush is atleast he beleives they should). Hoover eventually realized he had to do something and created new jobs and proviced relief and aid for the unemployed.

These are scarey times. If you don't know what could happen look up the great depression. Look up what people had to do to surrvive. they lived in horrible circumstances and ate from soup kitchens once per day.

If we as a people deem some CEO worth 19 million dollars , and the rest of us worthy to live in a cardboard box, there is something wrong.! We need to take a stand. Start supporting one another. Stop being Greedy.. AND I don't know.. Live the way God calls us to perhaps?

not alone

Lately I have been struggling with loneliness. I miss having the type of companionship a husband, even a sucky one, can offer. I don’t miss my ex-spouse, but I do miss certain elements. I miss being touched, having someone to help me at night with my baby, and mostly just having someone to talk to about my most random of thoughts.


I have been thinking about getting ‘out there’, ie putting myself out in the playing field. I have no idea where to even begin when it comes to getting ‘out there’. I want God to be the leader of my choices and the reason I find the next man I may call my prey. I don’t want to assume control in this area like so many people do. HOWEVER I don’t want to be one of those people who say “GOD let me win the lotto” but they sit on their couch and never buy a ticket. Those people have the audacity to ask “why have I yet to win?”. God tells us to ask and do. If we want to change something we must first start doing it.

So I ask myself how do I start doing. Am I even ready to start doing? I was divorced in early July, thus I have been divorced just about 3 months. I have however been without a significant other for much longer. I left my spouse over a year ago, and in my eyes he left me much longer ago. There are so many fears I have. Part of me says I need to get over them before I date, the other part knows that they may only go away with knowing I can trust the person I am with.

Dating. I don’t necessarily want to do it. I am unsure I want to get remarried. To go through the hardships of marriage. Its HARD. Both people have to be willing to work on it. And most people in today’s day and age say “its too hard, we fell out of love, we have irreconcilable differences.. etc”. Thus the way most people think is that marriages are easy to come by and easy to let go of.
I also do not know if I am so lonely or miss the company of a spouse enough to give up the new things I have been able to enjoy. I don't have to report to anyone, I have tons of free time, and I can just be all girly with out worrying who I just disturbed.

So that’s where I stand. Lonely, and confused about whether or not I should put myself back up on the market.

I also want to clarify to those who read this and thought.. well she’s not alone. I know this. I know I have God to talk to, a family to help me with my baby, and a great group of girl friends to tolerate my insanities. I am thankful for all of these things.

Mind your own P's and Q's

Yesterday I was at the Grocery store grabbing some items. While I was there I saw a woman leaving the store, she was crying. I, being in my own little world, minding my own space, looked the other way. However a little boy, maybe not so little, about 11 or 12, ran over to her and started to ask her why she was crying. His mother, mortified, snatched his arm and pulled him away, and said to her son "mind your own P's and Q's. Its not your problem or you buisness"

After this scenario, I sat there STUNNED. I was like that mother, wanting to leave that woman alone. I had learned to not be authentic to not be real. That womans son hadn't learned that yet. He was concerned, as should I have been and everyone else.

We tend to go about the world in our own little Bubbles. Minding our own buisness. Why do we do this? I dont really have an answer, other than to say we are selfish beings, but also because we are taught its wrong to be involved. I know that sounds like a contradiction to the many political campaigns and other commercials we hear.. They say DO something, get involved, make a difference... yet when we do we are more often than not shut down.

Let me explain. When I was married, the family I was married into was emotionally and spirtually unhealthy. They would wrong me and I would cease to trust them. I would be called unforgiving, but I had forgiven them. I just didn't want to let them belittle me again. I wanted to see a quality change in their lives, I would say.. something like "in order for you to get X you have to show me Y" thus I would be deemed judgemental. I was deemed judgemental because I wanted to improve their life. Thus I became afraid of being involved with them or telling them my thoughts, and more and more afraid to stick up for my thoughts outside of my family life.

I notice these type of things in alot of situations. When a person sticks up for what they beleive and what they saw Jesus stick up for they are deemed Judgemental. Its almost as if we aren't allowed to hold anyone accountable for fear of the stigma that we are 'Judgemental'. So if doing something means we are judgmental.. then doing nothing and ignoring a problem in my eyes makes you a lemming.. FOLLOWING one after the other and jumping to your doom.

I argue to say then being 'Judgemental' is far better than being a lemming. That woman in the store was crying. Who knows why. I didn't bother to ask. I should have. Even if it was her fault she was crying. Maybe she lives with a man who keeps emotionally abusing her. She could leave. I could have lovingly said you know you need to leave, if you dont he will keep abusing you and you are enabling his actions thus equally at fault at this point for allowing yourself to be abused. She might say I was judging her. But judging and accountablity are so close. I am not talking about bad judgements here.. like I see a dirty man on the streets.. who looks like a Bum and I instantly think BUM, Alcholic, etc.. thats a bad judgement.. one not even based in truth. I am talking about the judgementalism that gets us involved.

IF we see a bad situation we need to get involved. We see a woman crying. We should attempt to see if she needs something we can offer. We may only be able to offer a hug.. but shouldn't we try? Why should we not get involved. Why is it ok to not get involved? If we see someone getting beat to death. Its not a judgement to say that this situation is wrong. We are enabling the beaters and beating the victim if we watch or even if we walk away and ignore. To sit there while someone is being beat and do nothing is wrong.

I can't always mind my own P's and Q's. Nor should I. I don't care if I seem Judgemental any longer. I don't care if my caring drives away people. Because the only people I am driving away will one day need someone to care.. someone to JUDGE the situation they are in, hold them accountable, help them, and NOT enable them. So if you see someone in need of help don't be afraid of what could happen of being judged or judging. God calls us to hold up our brothers and sisters. To not let them fall. He calls us to sin no more. Doing nothing is a Sin. Standing idly by is a SIN.