Maslows hierarchy of needs; a theory created for us observers of human nature so we can attempt to understand when people do not meet their full potential. One's full potential according to Maslow is considered self actualization. This is the ability to seek self fulfillment, growth and pusure own's personal desires. It would seem from a general perspective that many americans could easily self actualize and left me wondering if I had.
According to Maslow, people cannot self actualize with out having their very basic needs met. After these are met they can continue to move up the "heirarchy", moving toward self actualization. Biolgical needs are the most basic needs. These are needs such as sleep, food, & water. The next set of needs people can move to once their basic needs are met are their needs for safety. Safety needs are things like shelter and security. Once you have met your biological and safety needs you can move to belonginingness and esteem. Belongingness which is essentially having relationships. Esteem needs which is having needs met that produce self esteem. Once all of these needs are met, this is apparenlty when self acualization can begin to occur.
I would like to say I have lived a life in pursuit of becoming more aware. I spout on about consumer awareness, animal rights, womens rights, and as a profession I help others attempt to become self aware. I teach my clients
how to look at their choices, how to consdier what it is they truly want, and then assess if their actions meet these wants. Yet I fail to do this myself. More recently I concluded, I like most people, am content in the first 2 needs. Instant gratification is so much easier. They resemble the other needs, and do not require much effort. They are easy to fill and immediately rewarding. No work required.
By meeting the 2 most basic needs I can easily convince myself, that I really have met them all. I have enough to eat. So much infact that I can have an excess of any object that I desire whenever I want. I want my pumpkin spice latte, I can go get it, afterall there are 3 starbucks with in 10 walking minutes from where I am sitting at this moment. Walking there means I am fulfilling ohter needs, getting exercise and self improvement in right? I have shelter and live in as safe as place as any. What more could I want? If I feel lonely I can always log on to facebook, or send out a text message. I feel insecure, I seek affirmation. All of this basic functioning has encourage my belief that I am meeting my belonging and esteem needs. Meeting the first 2 needs can be so primal that the last 2 needs feel as though they are being met. How do I really meet them?
I go through with what I say I am. I take my existing relationships and spend time on them. I meet my friends where they are at. I love my sisters and parents for who they are. I seek relationships that are not simply convenient or easy. But relationships that are meaningful. Meaningful equals work. I continuously encourage others to make meaningful connections, yet, I am one of the most guilty individuals I know for being content with not. In reality I am one big "talker". Its truly discouraging to figure this out about myself. But shows me, that perhaps I am ready to move beyond the first two levels. Perhaps I am ready to take the risks of moving outside of basic comfort and make some giant leaps towards real self improvement.
What in your life really matters? Is it something you would die for? Do you believe it is always something that will matter? Did it matter 10 years ago? Life is a perpetual complex of grey lately. I enjoy something temporarily and then realize wow, there is nothing about that I truly enjoyed. For example I read the books "Fifty shades of grey". The author did a fabuolous job captivating me using the ultimate factor "shock". Maybe I am old school, maybe I don't really fit into my own society, but after thinking back on what those books represented, I felt ill that I had read them all so avidly. I could not put them down. I had to turn each page and went 2 days with out sleeping just so I could read them all. In hindsight, that was really silly. The author really captured my need to be instantly gratified. I was captivated and could not look away. When what had my attention finally ceased to "exist" I was able to truly process all I had just taken in. I had just read about a man who had experienced horrifying and traumatic life experiences. These life experiences led him to live an excessive life of control. Through out the book there were explicit sex scenarios that in many ways mis-represented the capabilities of many women, and in turn enforces many stereo types. The first stereo type is "dark" men make better lovers. The other being that us women should have an easy time "getting off" as long as the man is mysteriously "bad". Another is that victimized individuals are all dark and all need to be rescued by some form of an innocent person. From the perspective of a person who works closely with individuals who have experienced traumatic life events, this books sets a very unrealistic presedence for these individuals. It sets unrealistic expectations on women, and on men.
This book is just a small example of the grey in my life. There is a vast array of things I want to do and find important. Simply put I would like to change the world, but finidng the time to participate in the activities I care about doesn't seem to exist. My free time... is after 9 at night. I work, go to school, and play mommy everyday. I feel that I am falling apart at the very seams of my soul. I feel alone... and showered in uncertainty of my future. I know what I would like, yet the grey versions of what I want surround me. Then there is the girl who has beliefs. She struggles with her human side, the side of desire.
I decided it is time for me to take some risks. I teach my clients this. Constantly. change it up, do something new, unknown and perhaps a bit uncomfortable. Something that takes effort but when done, will be ultimately rewarding. I found myself asking one of my clients, if you don't do it now, when will you? It hit me hard. If I am not going to change certain things now, when will I? Will I always put it off? will I always say.. tomorrow, I can work on that tomorrow. Tomorrow may never come because it is not guaranteed. So what I can guarentee is that I will ask myself the question I ask my clients.. if not now, when? Its time to take the risk of being uncomfortable. 3..2..1... Here I go.
