Sunday, July 11, 2010

Just look up

Have you ever looked up at the night sky for more than just a few minutes?

If you haven't spent more than an hour gazing, I recommend that it is something you do.

Star gazing is one of my favorite past times. I used to spend so much time just searching the skies, that now, I forget how much I loved it. shooting, stars, the milky way, Orion.. Cassiopeia.. I have memories of life lived looking up at the stars. This last year.. I haven't spent much time doing this. Life gets busy, I feel to tired, a rainy night, and a few other excuses thrown in there, have made it so I just glance and walk on. I almost forget how at ease I feel spending time under the night sky.

Last night, while at my parents cabin in Tonasket, my mom called me outside. I had spent half the night inside because the outside was just too hot. When I went out.. my mom said, Kelli.. LOOK UP.

I did.I have never seen the sky look so amazing. So far away from the city, so clear, so bright.. I stared at the sky in awe for a while. Even though I was eaten alive by mosquitoes, I found my happy place.

Nothing more amazing than the night sky.

Orion Pictures, Images and Photos

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Before the morning

After a long talk with God and a few requests he answered me with a song. Like usual.

Thought I would share the song as it is completely beautiful.

Josh Wilson's Before the Morning

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now

Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending

Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory

It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

Monday, April 26, 2010

God in the Eyes of a Three year old

I want a faith like that of my child. Nevaeh has been my biggest reminder of Gods goodness in my life.
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My daughter is growing up before my very eyes. I can't believe that her baby years are gone, and her toddler years are basically behind her. Shes not like any child I have ever known. My little girl is very special. I thought I would share with the internet world, just how amazing she is.

Last week I was upset about money issues. Basically not trusting that there will be enough, even though there always is. My little baby heard me praying and said mama I have money. She went to her purse, took her much coveted quarters out (.50 worth) and gave them to me. She said here mama here is my money I am giving it to you" She gave me all the money she had. To her it was a lot, even though it may seem like nothing it meant everything to me.


Not only is she incredibly giving, she loves God. About a month ago I rolled my new SUV into my dads truck. Cracking the bumper and knocking out my dads fog light. I was so mad. I started crying and acting completely ridiculous. I got back in my car and was screaming at myself. Poor Lil Nev. She quietly spoke up and said.. "mommy its OK. Gods gonna put a big band-aid on it." then she started to pray asking God to put a big band-aid on my car.
I started to cry worse. She reminded me of what was important. My car is just a thing. Not more valuable than her, not more valuable than God. The first thing I did was get angry, the first thing my kid did was turn to God. I feel such pride when thinking about it. I also feel like I gotta be more like my little girl.

Not only in this moment does my baby pray, but she likes to pray in general. Its pretty awesome how little people just love God. No doubt. Complete faith. My little Nev has the faith and she rocks it.
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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

God is Good?

Is God a good God? Recently that's a question I have heard a lot of. I've heard it from believing friends, non believing friends, and even from my own thoughts.

It’s hard to believe that God is good, from a certain point of view anyways. Human beings around the world suffer horrid events. Sometimes it seems that the random chance of where we are born determines how good God can appear. In third world countries and poor states of America natural disasters consume and destroy. In Africa people starve, die, and are forced into slavery. Around the world young women are forced into becoming Human traffic. Every day babies and children die of something that could have been easily cured.


How can a God who permits these things be truly good? Is often the question I ask myself. However, late its turned to be a question more like:

How can God, one so good like ours, love us for the things we do and don't do.

By chance I was born in America. By being born here, I was born to privilege. By this privilege alone GOD has called me to help those who aren't as lucky as me. It’s in people’s hands to help. Donating time, money, food, and other resources I alone could save one person’s life. By signing a petition to stop human trafficking, by not buying diamonds mined from slaves, I could stop one person from becoming a slave. If all of us participated we could change a lot of the way the world worked. If I vote, I can effect who is elected and who is my leader, and therefore I participate in changing the world.

In the worst ways I have heard individuals say they will not help because the ones who suffer do so willingly. They say they must suffer for one mistake, or for their parents mistakes, or for being born in a place where they are just so unlucky. These individuals are often ones, who could really make a big difference... I believe God tries and tries to speak into their lives yet they are stubborn and decide they shouldn't help because these people deserve to suffer.

WHY does GOD love people who do not take action? Why Does he love us for being such corrupt individuals we turn a blind eye to slavery? It’s because HE is good. God forgives us, he creates miracles in our everyday lives. It’s so easy to forget his goodness when we have become so accustomed to it. The very process of trees creating oxygen for us to breathe, a perfect amount of gravity for us to be able to walk on the surface of our earth, the perfect distance from the sun to Earth, the perfection of how babies are formed in the uterus... how are these not miracles, and pure expression of GODS goodness? He came here; he died for me, for you, for everyone. He suffered so that we may live. How is this not his goodness?

1 Timothy 1:12 I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because He considered me faithful, putting me into service.


Do we people even try to live in Gods goodness, most of people don't participate. They blame, blame God, and say they aren't big enough to make a change so they don't even try.

I believe that, Yes even if we participated, some bad things would still happen. That is just part of being in a fallen world. Not one person can be perfect and because of this someone will suffer. Someone will be oppressed. BUT the goal is to use Gods goodness in our life to help others not just ourselves.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Obedience Is Love

Tonight I can't sleep. I'm surrounded with swirls of ways I have failed God. Ways I do not trust him. Its infuriating to know that everything that has been difficult in my life has always found its meaning.. and in the long run.. been something good. But I still don't trust the plan. Trusting God irregardless of circumstance has always been my weak spot. I talk and talk about how I know it is.. and I do not change. Instead of changing.. seeking God when I am scared.. I ignore him. I do not talk to him, I punish him. Its ridiculous.


Right now a lot of things in my life seem to be sucky/stressful. Like always I have been having a very difficult time seeing past the suck/stressful stuff to see the hope. I do recognize how he has always been there for me before.. yet for some demented reason I doubt him now. My head keeps telling me.. this time.. Gods gonna let it all fall apart and make you pick up the pieces..

Then there's my soul.. it feels that God is there.. hes just taking his time. I don't feel like I've been very good at listening to him I've been deaf, blind, and dumb to his love lately. I am failing at the simplest parts of obeying Him. So tonight I decided I'm open to him. I'm waiting on him. I trust in him, and I will do what he asks.. whether or not I want to.


In rereading my blog.. I keep replaying the song While I'm waiting in my head. I even plan on singing it aloud to God.. kinda romancing him is the plan. Hoping that this time.. I wont fail in the trust department. I want to be more obedient to his will, and show him that I do love him.


While I'm Waiting lyrics

Artist: John Waller lyrics


I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord