This is my rant after reading too much for school, too many news stories, and seeing many peoples facebook and/or myspace 'updates'. Keep in mind it's a rant of feelings, that I needed to express and get out.
Is it just me, or is it human nature to let the world effect my emotions so much. I feel as though everything is interconnected. Other peoples moods, actions, can change how I see the world, even how I see myself. Some days I see hope, but then there are days (which are most) I see and feel despair. I see a dying human race. One that believes itself to be indestructible, yet it destructs everything in its path.
I often think of the matrix when I think of humanity.
I think of what Agent Smith said about the human race : "I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet, you are a plague, and we are the cure." I wonder how true this statement is. Do I believe this statement. Are humans a plague, and if so what is our purpose, why has God let us ruin so much of this perfect gift he gave us. I wonder if he gets sad at all, to watch us struggle.
I watch and see theories born, ones that make humans seem more 'God' like, and in control. And as this happens we deny that there is a need for a creator. We become existentialistic, there is no after life, no true purpose, so we struggle to make meaning out of the short existence we do have . Even those of us who believe in an afterlife, have existentialistic tendencies. We accumulate and accumulate, and horde, and somehow believe that what we accumulate (whether it be deeds, or material) will somehow bring actual meaning to our life. I hear, see, read, feel.. so many things that discourage me. Entitled we believe ourselves to be. Americans so independent. So much better than the world. Do we not see the interconnectedness of it all. How one huge mistake on our behalf, can change the face of the world.
Sometimes I feel like a helpless peon. I often think, can't beat 'em, join 'em. But I can't. I cant join. Never could, not fitting in is the way I find that I do fit in to this messiness of humanity. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that one person can make a difference. I see how Hitler made a huge impact.. how easy it was for him to make a horrid one in such a quick amount of time. Is it as easy to make a positive one? How does one go about doing so?
Do we truly find it so easy to believe we are better than something.. if not others. Example: Slavery.. how else can one justify slavery other than to say they are worth more than a particular set of people. Then when this particular thing (slavery or whatever it be) is the norm, how does someone feel its not right?
How did the idea of women's rights even form, when for hundreds if not thousands of years, women were left with no rights. Who questioned these ideas, what made slavery bad, and women voting good?
With all these questions, I wonder what ideas do I buy into currently, that in one hundred, or a thousand years will be looked at as moronic. Is it the fact that I go to the store and justify buying a ten dollar set of head phones because its ten dollars regardless of the fact that it was made by slave labor, or by little children's hands? Can I really pretend that because I don't see horrible conditions that they don't exist? And since they obviously do, what can I and what should I do about them. Can this peon of a human see what's wrong, and actually choose to change it in myself, and educate others so that they feel as passionate about this change as I do?
I want to know what makes us tick, and what makes us follow along behind others bad choices, and then what makes some of us different, what makes the select few who make the big changes. How does that happen?
The actual question I have for myself after writing all of this, is can I be quiet. Can I be still. With so much motion around me, so much fast paced life, can I sit, and wait for Gods voice. Maybe if I could be still, I'd hear God tell me what I needed to change, and just knowing where he wants me, would make it so much easier, and I would feel so much more capable, less like an insignificant peon. So I am challenging myself. To moments of silence. Moments of stillness. More than just a minute, and more than just five. I want to silence all those doubts, I want to learn the art of being still in God.
